


No Catch, Just Keep It A Secret

by IgneousFrizzle



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Ancient History, Biblical Reinterpretation, Crowley's Name is Crawly | Crawley (Good Omens), Enemies to Friends, Female-Presenting Crowley (Good Omens), Gen, Gender Identity, Light Swearing, Telepathy, Teleportation, Tempting with a Twist, Time Travel, yes the title is a back to the future quote
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2021-01-24 08:10:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21335026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IgneousFrizzle/pseuds/IgneousFrizzle
Summary: "He's a carpenter from Galilee. His travel opportunities are limited."In which two unlikely friends hang out all over the world for a few hours, and Jesus almost gets run over by a Roman chariot.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 57





	No Catch, Just Keep It A Secret

**~September 23rd, 25 A.D.~**

Coiled in a nearby gully, Crawley used a quirk of demonic power and trickery to make his voice sound like it was directly in the skinny Galilee carpenter’s head. Very traditional method for temptations, that “mind-speaking.” He didn’t particularly like getting into humans’ heads. Nasty, messy business. This was one of the easier tricks though since he didn’t have to insert any of his own essence into the young man. However, Crawley was getting bored of this demonic tradition. Even the carpenter seemed over it. They were currently on the slopes of Mt. Tabor outside Nazareth overlooking an impossible sight, distorted reality revealing the far off, mighty empires of the time and even beyond.

It seemed bad form to try tempting the unfortunate sod to abandon his holy quest when he’d clearly been out here a long while_. _ Which was perfect for a demon, but Crawley took no pleasure in this. The carpenter had just been wandering really, looking parched as Mammon’s circle of Hell itself. Crawley suspected that he might be undergoing that "fasting" practice religious types around here were so fond of. The man was already twiggy enough.

Growing tired and guilty of conducting this elaborate hallucination, Crawley sighed and recited what he was supposed to say from Downstairs. They were very specific that it had to be nothing but poetic and inviting, so Crawley complied. Worship Satan, and all these kingdoms of the world will be his. The carpenter replied by quoting ancient human verse to rebuke Crawley’s torment. He sounded weary and pathetic. The sun was murder right now, and the thin air on top of it made the dehydrated human topple to his side.

Rolling his eyes, Crawley shook his head as he slithered out of the crevice. “Right, bugger this,” he muttered as he shifted into his chosen human form. He - or she now, rather - walked sideways down the steep slope to where the man was trying to sit back up. “Come on then. You’re alright,” she said in Aramaic, gently taking the human’s arm.

What she did not account for was that he was holier than anyone she’d ever meet on earth. The skin of his forearm scalded Crawley enough to blister instantly, and the demon recoiled with a pained “ah!” and hiss. She shook her hand out, staring in shock at it. She’d _ never _ been that burned by heavenly essence before. Sure, she’d had to screw around with priests before, but that was tolerable. Annoying like a light sunburn. Right now, she felt like she stuck her hand straight into a smelting furnace. Face scrunching up, she looked down at the carpenter. She sensed the instant the man divined that she was a demon. Crawley could almost feel her pupils constrict, extremely unnerved. _ What the Heaven are you? _ she thought.

Well in theory, she knew. She just didn’t take stock in wild rumors. The old serpent highly doubted God would deign to actually give a human person Her true essence. It was the reason Crawley was originally chosen for this job. But from how much her hand burned, she was starting to think Hell played her for a sucker.

She blew on her palm, the blisters fading away like blood flowing back into pressed skin. She bunched up her robes to protect her hands and knelt, carefully helping the man to his feet. Demon and supposed human deity looked at each other for a moment. 

Crawley resituated her robes and took a step back. “Ehm.” Oh _ what _ was she doing? She didn’t know how to start. She’d never spoken to anyone after a tempting didn’t work. She felt incredibly awkward and rather stupid. “If I’d have known ahead of time you were uh,” Crawley gestured at the man’s entire form, “fasting or communing with nature or whatever, I wouldn’t have laid on the tempting as thick.” She wasn’t really about to _ apologize._ Couldn’t have anyone overhearing that.

The carpenter eyed her for a moment, looking far too deep into her again. Crawley put up a couple mental walls just as a precaution, which she only had to do around angels or higher ranked demons. She didn’t want this guy getting too deep in her head. Whatever he did see, though, his expression lost much of its edge. His skin was slick with days of sweat, and dark circles ringed his eyes. “Why tempt at all then?” he rasped out.

Crawley shrugged. “S’just my job, really.” She miracled up a full canteen of cool water and handed it to him. “No strings. You look ready to tumble down the mountain.”

After giving the canteen a sniff, he chugged the entire thing, almost falling over again as his head tilted back.

Crawley supported his back. “Take it slow. Upset your stomach, going that fast.”

Once he wiped off his mouth, the human made a grimace. His color already looked better. He panted, eyes closed to the sky until he looked at Crawley again. He handed the canteen back. “Thanks.”

Crawley nodded. She could feel the human still shaking as she took it, and now that neither of them were trying to get in each other’s heads, she got a better look at him. He had a fairly common look—thick, wild hair and a copper toned complexion. His bearing was distinctly different, reminiscent of an attitude and culture Crawley had spent a lot of time around over the last couple thousand years. He wore the current style, a knee length tunic, but he didn’t really look like he knew how or wanted to put it on correctly. He was clearly used to wearing thinner, looser garments.

“Look, I’ll admit this was timed… poorly on my side’s end. Not really fair play, if you ask me,” she said.

The carpenter raised a thick brow at Crawley. He not so subtly laid a hand on his belly, which was most likely hurting now from too much water. “Well. I suppose I could have gotten someone far crueler.”

_ Wasn’t that the goddamned truth?_ She couldn’t help but defend her honor as a demon out of reflex. “Hey. I _ am _ cruel. Still took this job, didn’t I?”

Tilting his head at Crawley, the human considered. “Mm.” He narrowed his eyes. “Even so. When I started hearing God’s voice in my head, I never expected the first of the opposition to have… manners.”

Crawley shushed him, glancing around them for a moment. “Don’t let it get around.” She sighed at the now largely empty landscape below. “Now then. With all that mess done, you look like you could use a hot meal. Done with your time out here?”

The carpenter’s face scrunched up as he looked up at the sun. “Yeah. Overdue by a couple days. Only supposed to be fasting for 30.”

Crawley’s eyes bugged out. “_Thirty days? _” Was that even possible for humans? “Who told you to do an asinine thing like that?!”

The carpenter pointed at his temple as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. _ God._ Duh.

Shaking her head slowly, Crawley risked a glare up at the cloudless sky at a deity that hadn’t spoken to her in over four thousand years. She offered her arm to him. “Come on. Going to my favorite spot. Whatever you want. I accept no arguments.”

He leaned his weight on her gratefully. Crawley didn’t see it, but the man smiled weakly. “You won’t hear any.”

~~~

With a small warning, Crawley teleported them to her favorite place to get wine in Persepolis, smack dab in the middle of the Persian Empire. They served food as well, and very good food too from what she heard. She sat next to the carpenter at the bar as he wolfed down lavash and saffron sauce. The human groaned in happiness at the flavor, sipping at his cup of water now and again. Crawley had ordered him an entire jug of water just so he wouldn’t have to keep bothering the unattentive bartender. 

Once his hands stopped trembling, the human wiped his mouth and avoided meeting Crawley's eyes. “Sorry. I probably look like a slob.”

She lowered her cup of wine and looked around the bar pointedly. “You know, I’d confidently wager _ no one _ in here cares.”

That put a genuine smile on the man’s face. He dipped another corner of unleavened bread into his sauce. “You treat everyone this well that you torment?”

“Ohhh not really. I mean, sometimes I use a dinner or lunch to do my job, but,” she made a face before taking a brief sip, “never after.” From the look she received, Crawley waved him off with her free hand. “Oh don’t worry, you’re safe.”

Wiping his hands free of crumbs, the carpenter chuckled with a still full mouth. Once he swallowed, he said, “Well, lucky me then, huh?”

“_Ha. _ Indeed.” She looked at the bottom of her clay cup, seeing nothing but sediment. She pursed her lip in a pout. “Aw.” She tried catching the bartender’s eye.

“Oh, here. Allow me.” The carpenter took the jug of water he had and Crawley’s cup. The demon almost protested, but she saw the clear liquid turning to dark red just before it went into the cup. He handed it back to her and set down the jug on the bar again.

Peering at the liquid inside, Crawley’s eyes flicked to the carpenter.

He shrugged, offering a helpless smile. “Don’t ask me how. Just started being able to do things like that a couple months ago.”

Crawley stared. “This.. isn’t going to kill me, is it?”

“Only if you have too much. But that’s with anyone, right?” He took another bite. “Although,” he said, mouth full, “not sure if the same rules apply to you.”

Crawley chuckled. She took a sip, finding it equal to--if not _ better _ than—the establishment’s wine. “So what do I actually call you? Can’t just be _ Christ _ at any rate.”

Swallowing, he wiped off a hand on his tunic. “No, you’re right. Jesus of Nazareth.” He tilted his head down to her, touching his free hand to his chest, mouth, and forehead—a respectful greeting where he was from.

Crawley would have blinked if she was more inclined to it. Huh. “Okay, Jesus.” She extended her hand to him after covering it with her robes. “Crawley.”

Jesus frowned curiously at the hand, raising his own but not knowing what to do.

“You shake it.” Crawley gently gripped the demi-human’s forearm and giving it a single, firm shake. Little greeting she came up with herself recently. She wasn’t keen on double cheek kisses, bowing, or other greetings since she didn’t belong to any human cultures. Making one up for herself made the most sense. It wouldn’t catch on with anyone else anyhow, she was certain.

Jesus stared at his hand in amusement for a moment before taking his little dish of sauce, polishing it off with the last of his lavash. “_ Crawley,_ hm? I expected ‘Lord Baal’ or something.”

Crawley rolled her eyes with a soft laugh. “Yeah. It is a bit… low-lying.” 

“Oh I didn’t mean to demean it!” Jesus said, holding his hand out, eyes wide. “That came out wrong.”

Raising her brows, she shook her head. “No, er, no you’re fine. _ I _ demeaned it. Been thinking of changing it to something else anyway.”

Jesus gave a small sigh and chewed the last of his meal. He flagged down the bartender _ somehow _ and asked for _ khoresh e havij _ with a side of tarhana soup. He laughed nervously. “Okay, I promise that’s the last I’ll order.”

“Eat as much as you want. Thirty plus days of nothing--you deserve it.”

Quirking a brow again, Jesus pointed at her playfully. “Sure you aren’t still tempting?”

Snickering, the demon leaned on the bartop. “Old habits. What can I say?” 

Jesus huffed, taking a couple gulps of his water. “Mm. Don’t I know it. Nothing really like waking up one morning hearing voices telling you not to do the only job you’ve known forever.”

Crawley hummed in acknowledgement and sipped, brushing the aromatic wine against the roof of her mouth. “You know, you’re the first religious figure I’ve spoken to without an attempted exorcism. Got to say you’re quite easy to talk to in comparison.”

Smiling, the demi-human scratched at a dirt spot on his cup. “I never expected to be having a pleasant lunch with a demon either. So I guess we’re even.” He stared into the middle distance. “My Father’s not said anything either way on all this, so I suppose it’s okay. Not exactly sinning in any way I know of.”

Crawley smirked incredulously. “You really believe you can hear God. You know God’s a ‘she,’ right?”

Jesus nodded without hesitation. “Oh yes. I still hear a male voice.”

“Hm. Interesting. Always been female to everyone in Heaven and Hell.” She breathed in the aroma of her wine as Jesus’s food was delivered to him.

“Well. God’s ways are truly ineffable,” the human said, sounding far too much like someone Crawley knew. Jesus lifted the bowl of stewed carrots and lamb, eating it with his fingers as was his custom. “I miss forks,” he said, almost too quiet to hear.

Because Crawley possessed supernatural senses, she heard the statement loud and clear. “Wanting for Egyptian dining utensils again, are you?”

Gaze darting up, Jesus stared at Crawley like she’d invaded his mind. “How did you…?”

“You don’t have the look of someone that grew up in Galilee. You wear that tunic like Egyptian silks. Plus you have a little of an accent. Not too hard to miss if you’ve been there.”

Blinking for a moment, Jesus considered that and looked down at himself. “I do? ...I didn’t even realize.” He took a chunk of lamb and studied it. “Yes. I did grow up in Egypt. I was 11 when we left.” He plopped the chunk in his mouth, grimacing lightly at his now dirtied fingers.

Crawley produced a bronze Egyptian fork out of nowhere for him.

The man took it after a brief second of surprise. “Oh _ thank you! _” He ate for a little while before pointing the utensil at the demon. “Why do you dress like that by the way? Seduce the common man?”

The demon glanced down at her current traditional women’s garb. “Uh. Not... really? It’s airy and softer than men’s tunics.”

Jesus frowned for a moment. “But. How is anyone to tell that you’re a man?”

“I’m _ not _a man.”

“Well I mean, _ granted_, but you are male.”

Crawley raised her brow, crossing her arms. It wasn’t like shifting genders was _that_ uncommon, even in this part of the world. “You say that like it’s a definite fact. How do you know?” Jesus started listing off several obvious physical and mental reasons before the demon continued. “Right, so tell me this. How exactly do you know that God is female yet you call Her ‘Father’ because you hear a ‘male’ voice?”

Jesus was about to counter that but stopped short, mouth open for a moment. He closed it, looking at Crawley with a different light in his eye. 

“I take whatever form suits me best as I feel like it. Really as simple as it gets.”

The demi-human pursed his lips, considering that as he ate more. “Very well. Your kind is beyond me.”

“_ My kind? _ ” Crawley leaned an elbow on the bar. “Oh no no, your lot brought gender into the mix in the first place. There are cultures of humans _everywhere _ with those that shift between sexes, change them permanently, or have ones you’ve never even heard of. And oftentimes, they’re revered. Sometimes they’re even gifted at _ real _ magic like you.”

As Crawley spoke, the man looked like he’d just been told the earth revolved around the sun instead of the opposite. He set his fork on his wood plate after he’d finished his food, staying quiet for a long while. “If these people are revered in other places on earth… is it the same for women?” he finally said quietly.

Crawley’s mouth quirked in a small smile. “Good question. No, not really. Not yet, at least. Hell, slavery is still considered a viable trade on this entire rotten planet.”

Giving a tired sigh, the man nodded and hummed. After a moment of further contemplation, he looked at the demon. “‘Not yet,’ you said. Wishful thinking?” Jesus said, studying her closely.

“Have someone you wish to see treated better?”

“_Of course _I do,” he said without hesitation. “My mother, her sister, my younger sisters. They’re clearly bright, and I’ve never believed the rabbis saying they weren’t intelligent enough to be educated.”

Crawley looked down her nose at Jesus. “That’s an awfully dangerous thing to be thinking, _ Christ _.”

The young man scowled briefly. “I think a lot of things like that. Who else is going to think them? Let alone speak them out loud?”

“Could get stoned for talking like that,” Crawley pointed out. She wouldn’t admit she was worried about the religious figure, but she was always a sucker for questioning authority.

Jesus breathed a cold laugh, holding his cup of water. “It’s the entire reason I’m here, isn’t it?” He took a sip.

Crawley’s features softened. “Yeah. True.” The Great Plan mentioned torturing Christ on Hell’s end and Heaven allowing him to be given God’s essence to cause miracles and faith among the masses which the world had not seen since earlier times. That he’d be a martyr to humans for thousands of years to come. “Not like anyone ever asked you either if you wanted to be the all powerful lesbian son of a virgin and God Herself.”

Jesus half choked on his water, spitting a little out. It drew the attention of a few tavern patrons, but their attention was surreptitiously turned to other things. Once the Galilean could breathe again, he had a hearty, infectious laugh over that comment. His cheeks turned red, and he looked around them. “You—you _ can’t _just say things like that!”

“The hell I can’t,” chuckled Crawley, unable to help joining. “I’m a demon.”

Jesus giggled a little further, wiping water off his mouth with the hem of his tunic. “That you are, my friend,” he said, patting Crawley’s shoulder.

Crawley stiffened slightly at that. “Uh. Better—um, better not say things like _ that _ though.”

The carpenter looked slightly put out, but he quickly got over it, nodding once. “Oh. Yeah. Right.” He tilted his head at Crawley once more. “Never did answer my question though. About wishful thinking?”

Crawley grimaced. “Ehh, yeah, kinda got me there. Feel I should warn you, if you ask me to physically _ tell _ you the future, that could count as a sin against you. Lust of forbidden knowledge.”

Jesus’s gaze dropped. “Never actually thought of it like that.”

“Thought you ought to know. You needing to be completely blameless for this to work and all.”

“Right.” Jesus narrowed his eyes, smirking in a way that even made the demon feel nervous. “If you say so.”

“Although... I’m not entirely sure if it actually would be counted as a sin against you. Heaven’s already told you about your death.”

Some of the playfulness left the soon-to-be-martyr’s eyes. “Hm. I’ll err on the side of caution anyway.”

Nodding once, Crawley slid off her stool and conjured the right amount of currency in her hand for their tab. In a split second, she seriously considered two things. One was if anyone was actually watching them right now. The collective of Hell had been observing through her eyes while she’d officially tempted Jesus on the mountain like it was Saturday morning cartoons. Big event for them, woo hoo, show Heaven what for and all that. She didn’t sense any hellish presence around them at the moment, but that didn’t always mean someone wasn’t there. 

Two was a brief reflection on how someone all of 30 years old could be so purely guileless in certain ways. Perceptive, somewhat educated, but very sheltered. Most likely because his human mother knew whom he was supposed to be right from the start. It almost seemed a shame to Crawley that Jesus didn’t know much of the world. It was certainly going to narrow his circle of influence as far as his wider spreading message went. Which was decidedly _ not _on Plan for either sides. However… if Crawley put it in a certain way to Downstairs… “Walk with me?”

Jesus finished off his cup and nodded. “‘Course.”

They headed to the exit, Crawley pulling aside the cloth for Jesus. They were suddenly in the streets of somewhere entirely new, far more people milling about than in Galilee and Persepolis. The time of day was earlier, and Crawley watched the shock, wonder, and excitement play over Jesus’s features. “Oh! Oh, oh my—” He turned in a full circle, looking around at everything. He caught sight of the colosseum, and he gasped loudly. “HOLY—!” He started running toward it for a short stint, stopping in the middle of the street to stare openly. Crawley had to phase herself over to his side to get him out of the way of a few oncoming chariots, but he got over it quickly to gawk at the colosseum. “Dear Lord above,” he said softly. “It’s beautiful! Only the pyramids can compare!” He looked at Crawley. “_ People _ made this?!”

Crawley hid her smile as she adjusted her abaya, nodding mildly. “Yeah. Lovely, isn’t it?”

“Lovely—spectacular!” He couldn’t stop grinning. “Where are we? Why have I never heard of such a wonder?”

“Rome. And no you wouldn’t have heard of it. Won’t exist for another 55 years yet." She craned her neck to look up at the arch work. "Was just completed this week.”

Blinking, Jesus looked at Crawley. “We’ve… we’ve gone _ forward, _” he breathed in wonder. His expression changed. “Did you just--? Is this part of the tempting?”

Crawley did let a smirk show through. “Oh come on, you’re keen. I’m sure you can tell the difference between tempting and a simple walk.” She patted his back. “Besides. If you’re going to be dead in a couple years, you really ought to see more of your own world.”

While he didn’t say anything further, Jesus looked on Crawley kindly. They meandered along the sidewalks of the wider Roman streets, passing through some narrow alleys to get to the main bustling Forum where all the trading action was. People clamored in Latin everywhere, trying to talk over the din to haggle for one thing or another. 

Jesus was particularly drawn to a woodworking booth, fascinated by the impossibly intricate engravings. The shop owner took notice of him, smacking his hand with a reed before he could touch the polished wood. Neither spoke the same language, and Jesus apologized profusely while the confused owner got angrier and frustrated. 

Crawley had to get in the middle of it when the owner started calling Jesus a plebian. The demon spoke in fluent Latin, every major empire’s language her business to know. She smoothed things over with the owner, producing some currency for good measure. She weaved a believable story Jesus couldn’t understand. She turned to her companion at one point. “You are a good carpenter, right?”

Jesus smiled, slow and sheepish. “I can only make chairs.”

Without skipping a beat, Crawley kept talking to the owner for a minute more before the beady eyed shopkeep backed off. He sat back behind his carving desk, still watching wherever they went. Jesus circled back around to Crawley’s side, muttering, “What exactly did you say to him?”

“Told him you were the best carpenter in Judea, but you’re my estranged little brother and don’t know your manners. Wouldn’t have let us stay if I didn’t say we belonged to a family in town.”

Jesus found the lie unsavory, but he didn’t make further complaints. They eventually left the Forum, turning a corner into the quieter roads of Seorabeol, Silla of the Three Kingdoms of Korea. Crawley led him to a small crowd of people where they watched a _ mucheon _ sacrifice. The song and dance for heaven that followed haunted and enchanted the Galilean. After that, Crawley took him to see some of the Han Dynasty, Carthage at its height not so long ago, Satavahana in India, and finally, a stretch of time warping into Tenochtitlan. Each time they jumped, Jesus looked more and more impressed by his planet, but he also seemed to get further melancholy. 

They walked alongside a canal during the early morning, the tiered Aztec pyramids gleaming a couple miles away. “Penny for your thoughts, savior?” said Crawley after they’d watched a couple Aztec rituals.

Hands interlocked in front of him, Jesus rubbed over the skin on his thumb. “It’s all the same, really.”

Crawley raised a brow. “How so?”

“The same cruelty. It’s everywhere. Same issues. Same hate.” He glanced up at Crawley briefly, smile sad. “Same hopelessness.” He looked back at the pier where a young boy was struggling to sell fish from a heavy bag strapped to his back. “Same suffering.” He waved a hand at the boy, and the bag was suddenly lighter. “I thought it would be different in other places of the world. But you were right. The earth is… rotten.”

“Ohh… now I didn’t intend to show off _ that. _”

Jesus squeezed her shoulder. “You didn’t. It’s plain to see wherever we‘ve gone. No one knows anything better for their lives than the chaff they’re given.”

Looking down her nose at the carpenter, Crawley said, “So now having seen all this, what will you do now?”

Jesus stopped, his hands dropping to his sides with a snort. “It’s uninspired. You’ll laugh.”

“_ Nooo _.”

“You _ will _.” He fixed his gaze on the nearest pyramid. “It makes me want to go home and start making some real change there. Find a way. Let people know there’s always hope for something better.”

Crawley sighed deeply, letting silence stretch between them for a while. Water lapped up lazily alongside them. “No. Sounds just about right.” He looked at the pyramid too. “S’how you’re supposed to feel as Christ, I reckon.”

“Yeah.” Jesus’s serious expression lightened, studying the side of Crawley’s face. “You remind me of a crow, you know.”

She gave a measured, confused blink before looking back at him. “I’m sorry, what?”

“You could be a vulture like the rest. Crawling on the ground and preying with relish on the weak.” Jesus turned more fully to her, crossing his arms against the morning breeze. “But you don’t. You still fly with doves.”

Crawley stared at Jesus, her thoughts involuntarily going to someone she knew that had dove-like wings. She scoffed. “Now I might laugh at _ that _. You’re being ridiculous.”

“I don’t think I am. And I don’t think you believe that either.”

“No, _ I believe _ we’re done here.” She snapped, and they teleported to the outskirts Nazareth the same day Jesus had come from. Evening was starting to fall, veiling their appearance. “Got to be going. Due in for another assignment.”

After adjusting to the new change of setting, Jesus bit both lips briefly. “You might not want to hear it, but it’s true, Crawley.”

“Little God voice in your head telling you that?” said the demon more mockingly than she should have. “Learn to let something go.”

“Isn’t that the opposite of what I’m here to do? What else was this entire day supposed to prove then?”

“_ To follow your fate, you idiot! _ ” Crawley grit her teeth after raising her voice, setting her hands on her hips. This was sounding far too close to Someone she’d rather not speak to again, and the longer she was around Jesus, the more he reminded Crawley of Her. “I am _ not _ lisssstening to a lecture about _ my _ nature from the Almighty’ss golden boy. _ You _ do not know me. You don’t know the firssst thing about me. You don’t know what I’ve done.”

The carpenter didn’t budge, unphased even by Crawley’s unnatural hissing. “Then _ why _? Why show me the world?”

Crawley’s upper lip twitched. This guy really could not take a hint. The silent part of her still felt bad that Jesus would die so young, and she still wanted him to think she wasn’t horrible. But it was a fantasy. One she’d taken too far. “Because you’re supposed to inspire wars all over this planet, _ all right? _ If you aren’t universally relatable, how is that death and destruction supposed to happen? Eh?”

Far too shrewd for his limited experience, Jesus’s eyes were unwavering. “Sometimes I have to wonder if it’s you or them talking. Don’t you?”

Crawley groaned aloud. “Oh _ come on! _ Can’t we just part amicably and _ not _attempt to give a demon an existential crisis?”

Thinning his lips, Jesus’s gaze dropped to the sandy ground. Tense quietness passed between them. “No, you’re,” he started softly. “You’re right, I suppose. I… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed. Forgive me?”

Eyeing the human deity, she gave a soft sigh through her nose before rolling her eyes. “So formal. Yeah, we’re square ‘n’ shit.”

Jesus smiled carefully. “I’d hope that… well, I hope that the demons I’ll encounter in the future will be like you, but I somewhat doubt that will be the case.”

Crawley barked a laugh. “Ah. _ No. _ I’m _ happily _ unique. Any demons you encounter from here on out will most likely be coming to you on a dare. And they’re rude bastards to boot, trust me.”

Jesus grimaced. “Thought so. Anyway though, I won’t say thank you, but… if I had to do today differently, I wouldn’t. I’m very glad I experienced more of the world today.”

Sniffing noncommittally, Crawley let her hands rest at her sides. “Breaks up the monotony, I guess.”

”Oh yes. War and unrest in this place can definitely wear on you.” He took a step forward but hesitated. “Oh. Er. Probably wouldn’t be a good idea to give you a hug. Might burn your face off, right?”

“_ Yes _, good thinking, that.”

Jesus chuckled, touching his index and thumb to his forehead. “Peace be with you then, Crawley.”

Giving him a nod and wave, she smiled thinly. “Uh. Yeah. You too, Jesus.” 

And with that, the man walked into town. They’d never speak to each other again. Neither of them expected to. 

Crawley watched him disappear into the little crowding of clay buildings. Protocol said she was supposed to wipe his memory of her. She should have. The further he got away, the harder it would be for her to do.

Crawley turned, wandering into the dry wilderness. She flitted to the top of Mt. Tabor, looking down on the distant lights of Nazareth. _ Not like a vulture, eh? _ She knelt down to her haunches, bringing her wings out for balance on the narrow rock ledge. She glanced at the black feathers in the wan half moon light. 

  
_ Like a crow. _She rather fancied that.

**Author's Note:**

> Please kudos and comment if you enjoyed~! :D It’s very much appreciated and makes my day!! <3


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